guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
