You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Boobs are out for the taking
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
