I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
