seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He felt like a one man threesome
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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