I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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