dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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