the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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