Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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