Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
