I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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