There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
