I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
