I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
