oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
