I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
