The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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