Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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