She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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