I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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