Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
