peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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