yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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