the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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