And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
