He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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