We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
