hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
