im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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