Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
