no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If that was your dad, he is hot
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
