we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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