I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
