I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
