I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize