This is not my ceiling
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
