Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
