dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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