i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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