apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish you could order shots online.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
