I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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