so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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