Just took my morning after pill in the library
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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