Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
