You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize