so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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