Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
