are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
