does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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