shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I forget how to act sober
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
