sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
