Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
