We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
