Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
