Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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