I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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