State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
did i walk over a car last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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