he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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