is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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