Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
