Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And then he peed in my hair
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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