They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
