I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
