Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
