He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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