and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
