that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
