I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
