The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
