how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have fence marks all over my body
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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