im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
